By most estimates (if this doesn't prove that there is a study of everything I don't know what does) your odds of keeping those resolutions are pretty slim. Of those who make a New Year’s resolution, 25% have given up on it after one week. After one month, 36% have called it quits. Fifty-four percent of us are done with our resolutions after 6 months and by the end of the year 91% of resolution makers have forgotten all about them as they make their new ones. In fact, one study shows that of those who make a resolution, only about half of them even expect to be successful in keeping it when they are making it!
What is going on here? Why do so many people fail to do things that they want to do? And given these failure rates, why do we do it over and over again?
The temptation is to conclude that, faced with the reality of the effort required to succeed, most of us are just too lazy to carry on. In fact, it is a little more complicated than that.
Tony Robbins says that the real secret to happiness is not success but progress. People have a need to feel that their lives are progressing. The calendar makes it seem like we can have a new start. It is a natural time to look back and see how far we have (or have not) come and where we want to go next. The problem with that is that it is not a new start at all. It is just an arbitrary date and you are exactly the same person on January 1st that you were on December 31st.
Does this mean we should just give up and accept ourselves as we are? Of course not! We just need to be a little more realistic about how we plan to move forward. Most resolutions amount to nothing more than a wish list, things that we would like to have happen for us. Like winning the lottery, the chances of those things just happening are not great.
Resolutions also tend to be Big Picture statements. I will go to they gym 4 days a week. I will lose 50 pounds. I will start that part-time business. I will quit smoking. I will reconnect with my family and friends. All laudable wishes. But that is all they are, wishes. Especially when we make all of them at once.
Instead of resolutions, what we need are goals and a plan. To create real change we have to create real change, not just hope that things magically change for us. Success comes from many small steps, not one giant one.
What are the areas of your life that you want to improve/change/make progress in? Write them down. All of them.
Then select the 1 to 3 areas that matter most to you, where you feel most motivated to actually do something about them.
Think about where you are now in just those areas. This calls for brutal honesty, but you need not share your thoughts with anyone. How did you get there? Why is that how things are? What things, if you changed them, would move you toward where you want to go?
Now break those changes down into smaller pieces. Be realistic about what you can do. One big reason people fail to achieve their resolutions is that they just set unrealistic expectations and timeframes, things they do not really believe they can do. If you want to lose 50#, you can't do it until you have lost 5 pounds. Anyone can lose 5 pounds in a month or two. Start there. Build momentum toward success by creating small successes, one after another. Then don't stop.
Make a plan for your small steps. What will you do and by when will you do it? What help or support or resources would you need, from who? How will you track your progress? How will you reward yourself?
This way, when you get to February, instead of broken resolutions and disappointment you will have just a few small successes to celebrate. You are on your way! Just keep going.
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