BUT: A Big LIttle Word

 

Its only three letters, yet the word but has a lot of power in your life. In fact, you can get a lot more of what you want in your life if you start to pay attention to when and why you use the word but. Technically, but is a conjunction (like and, or, nor) that means "however" or "except that". Seems harmless enough. But its not. Let's look at a few examples.

I'd like to quit my job but it feels too risky to quit.

I would love to go on a vacation but it would be very expensive.

I'd really enjoy spending the holidays with the kids but they live far away.

I know I should exercise but I just don't have the time.

I wish I could improve my diet but it would take a lot of time and effort. 

Do you see what is going on here? In each case, you are using the word but to introduce the excuse for not doing the thing you want to do. But gives you your reason to not do it. Emotionally, the but tends to convey a negation of the first part of the sentence - what you want - in favor of the second part - the excuse for doing without what you want.

Suppose you make a conscious effort not to use the word but, replacing it instead with the word and. Let's try it.

I'd like to quit my job and it feels too risky to quit.

I would love to go on a vacation and it would be very expensive.

I'd really enjoy spending the holidays with the kids and they live far away.

I know I should exercise and I just don't have the time.

I wish I could improve my diet and it would take a lot of time and effort.

Do you feel the difference? And tends conveys an inclusion of the first part along with the second. They are equals. Instead of providing you with an excuse to not do something, using and in place of but re-frames the issue as a problem or consideration that you need to work out before you can do whatever it is you wanted to do.

Why does quitting seem too risky? What can you do to make it less risky?

If you really want to exercise, how can you find the time to do it?

Your excuse for not doing has now become an issue that your brain can go to work on resolving. It seems so simple, but I have found that it actually does work. Try it out over the next several days. Listen to others' sentences and when you hear but change it in your own mind to and. Then, start listening to your own sentences. When you hear yourself about to say but change it to and. Once you stop talking yourself out of things, see if you too don't start getting more of what you want in your life.